Carlisle's Hardest Time at Work
by EsmeCullen012
Summary: Have you ever wondered what the hardest part being a doctor is, for Carlisle at least? No, it's not the blood lust, he has had centuries to overcome that. Something else, something he may never overcome. --OneShot--


**A/N: If any of you are reading my other stories, I am really, really, really sorry about taking forever to update them...I have serious writers block...and I was having computer troubles...But I'm going to work on them soon, I promise!**

**This fanfic idea came to me a few weeks ago, I was just trying to figure out how to...write it, I guess. I hope you like it. Review!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own. Stephenie Meyer does!  
**

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--Esme's point of view--

I sighed as I tried to match the colors in the kitchen. I had just finished remodeling a new house, well, I finished about two weeks ago, and now I was bored. Carlisle was at work all the time, though I can't blame him, he loves his job. And the children are at school everyday, too. So, at the current moment, I am thinking about remodeling the kitchen in this house. I have spent all day trying to figure out what colors would look best where, and I was getting nowhere. I've always liked the light colors throughout the house. It makes it look more spacious and open, it's a place where we can do what we want, act ourselves. But now, I want to have some darker colors in my kitchen...Nessie comes in here a lot, and I love her to death, but she can make some big messes, and even the tiniest mess on a white floor looks big.

I was focusing so hard on the counter top, trying to figure out a good color for it, that it startled me when Alice tapped my shoulder, getting my attention.

"Carlisle is on his way home from work," she said, the words themself were casual, just not the way she said them. I gave her a confused look, but she just walked away.

Then I remember that Carlisle was supposed to be working all day today.

"Alice, dear," I called, getting her to come back into the kitchen.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Do you know why? Did something happen? Is something wrong?" I kept coming up with more questions, my mind running a mile a minute.

"Esme, Esme. Calm down...nothing is wrong," she told me, putting her small hand on my shoulder, to help calm me. "Carlisle just had...a bad day at work...the hospital is letting him come home early today...he's worked enough overtime for this anyways," she said.

"Okay..." I said, still worrying about my husband.

"He's in the driveway, I'm going upstairs," she said, and flitted away.

I looked up and noticed I had stuff laying all around the kitchen. I worked fast to clean it up...it was actually a big mess. I ran up the stairs and put the outline of my work in my room. As I walked down the stairs, Carlisle was walking in the front door.

He looked upset, like he had had the worst day at work ever. He was looking at the floor as he walked in, but looked up at met eyes with me. The first thing my brain caught was that his eyes were still the pure gold that he had left the house with. I mentally shook my head from those horrible thoughts, Carlisle hasn't slipped up before, how could he do it now...after so many centuries of practice? He couldn't. I took in the rest of his face. His forehead was lined with worry. He really did look...distraught.

I walked over to him and put my arms around him. Automatically, he wrapped his arms around my waist. But unlike he normally does, he buried his face in my shoulder. If he were human, I would have known he was crying. But I knew Carlisle well enough to know that he would never do that. Atleast, not in the foyer, where any of his children could see him break down.

Of course, the rare times that he ever had, he knew Edward would know, by his thoughts, though he could hide them if he didn't want Edward to know what was happening. He knew that no matter what Alice would find out, and he also knew that he could not hide his emotions from Jasper. And I knew that I was the only person he let see him break down. He knew that everyone, including me, thought of him as the leader of our coven. He was the father of this household, of this family. Even though he knows that no one would think of him differently if they saw him break down, it's just something that he would never let happen.

I rubbed his back for a few minutes before he lifted his head up and looked me in the eye. I had seen this look before, and I knew why he had had such a bad day. He saw realization flicker through my eyes and he let go of me, though keeping one arm around my waist. He led me up to our bedroom.

He sat us down on the edge of the bed and looked down. He wouldn't meet my eyes when he talked about this. But this time I would try to change that. I put my hand under his chin and pulled his face up, making him look me in the eyes.

"What happened, Carlisle?" I asked gently, after we had stared into each others eyes for a few moments.

He glanced down, but back into my eyes before speaking. "I...I couldn't do it. I wanted to, but I love my family too much to have done that. You should have seen him, Esme. It would have taken me just a minute and he would be fine."

"Carlisle, it's not your fault. I promise, you couldn't have made a better decision," I assured him.

"I could have done something though, Esme. I could have worked a little faster -- " he was about to continue, but I interrupted him.

"No, you couldn't have, not without raising suspicions, which is exactly why you didn't, Carlisle," I reassured him.

"Esme," He took me into his arms, hugging me tightly, "you don't know how hard it was to work that slow." I wrapped my arms around him. "They made me call the time. I almost broke down when I called his time of death. I knew I could have done something. I have done something before, look at you, and Edward, and Rose, and Emmett."

"But, like many humans, maybe it was just his time to go. People die everyday, Carlisle, you can't save them all, honey," I whispered gently.

"I know," he breathed out.

We held each other for quite some time, before we heard Edward and Bella come inside, probably to get something for Nessie to eat.

Carlisle let go of me and tried to compose himself, so he could be Carlisle again: cool, calm and collected.

He walked into the closet, to change out of his work clothes. I sat on the bed, thinking about Carlisle, as always.

He was right, I had no idea what it felt like to him. I had no idea how hard it was for him to want to work faster, when he knew he could. How hard it was for him to make the decision, in spite of what he wanted, for his family. To resist what he most wanted, to save a life. I can understand, but I don't _know _what it's like to have to call someone's, even a strangers, time of death, someone that you wanted to save so badly, but couldn't do it. Even in letting someone die, Carlisle was still the strongest man, he put his family first. If he had worked even just a little faster than he was, he would have raised many suspicions, and Carlisle would never do that to his family. He has before, but at those times there was no one around to watch him move just a little bit faster than normal.

That is, most deffinitely, Carlisle's hardest time at work. He hated it too.

I looked up and Carlisle was standing infront of me, staring.

I stood up and wrapped my arms around him.

"Come on Sweetheart," he said, wrapping his arms around my waist, making his way for the bedroom door.

I knew that he wasn't completely over this, but he wouldn't let it show, not around his children, and deffinitely not around his granddaughter.

He would get over it in due time, usually it doesn't take long, he just needs to talk about it.

And I am glad that I am the person he always comes to for that, I absolutely love being the woman that he confides in.

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**So, review and tell me how I did!**

**Major, major thanks to my super amazing beta Miss Edwards Angel, without her, you would have no idea what was happening.**

**She sent me so many corrections for this! **

**If she missed anything (which I doubt) you can't blame her, she did amazing!**

**Oh and again, I am still very sorry about the other stories, I'll finish them up soon, I hope.**

**Love always!**

**--EsmeCullen!--**


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